I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
