It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
