They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
You left your underwear on the fireplace
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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