I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
