dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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