hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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