To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
