Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
