All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
whose parrot is this?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
