yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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