so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
