its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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