you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
