I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
