you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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