Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
