So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
