Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
