Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
You ruined the universe
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
