Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
