I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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