You just made me feel so damn special
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
