you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
