he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
