So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
