A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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