clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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