There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
