our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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