pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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