Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
