omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
