Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I could fuck to npr.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
