Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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