all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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