just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize