GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Im part way to drunk.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
