I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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