he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
