My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
