He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
