HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
