Porn is love you can see.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
