Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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