not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize