we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
