How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
