Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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