My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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