My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
