I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
