His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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