I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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