i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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