ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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