i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
