I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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