He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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