we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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