If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize