Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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